I started this year thinking that now that Taylor was 8, I
wanted to focus on building her personal responsibility. She’s always had some level of responsibility
in the home. When she was 3-4 she could
put the shoes away and pick up after herself to a degree. When she was 5 and 6, the expectations for
cleaning her room were raised. Taylor
was also responsible for sorting laundry and we’d rotate other chores in as
needed… Sometimes I’d have her sweep the porch or walk the dog, other times she
could vacuum or sweep. She even scrubbed
the bathtub once which ended up being more fun for her than a chore. (It’s amazing that bubbles make everything fun!)
Each year we’ve added more age-appropriate chores. We want her to know how to do laundry,
dishes, and clean a bathroom when she’s grown.
But, more often than not, the chores were met with resistance, or we’d
forget that we were supposed to have her do chores that day. (Life was busy at that point, so some days
the only time we were home was for snuggles and
bedtime.) It wasn’t what I wanted.
For a big chunk of the year Taylor was 7, we tried this “7-Minute
Clean-Up.” The idea is that you do 7 FOCUSED
minutes on cleaning and then you’re done.
I had to explain the focused part each time to make sure we were on the
same page. I’d usually do it with Taylor…
I’d set the timer and work on the my own chores. Sometimes it worked really well and sometimes
it ended up being “16 Minute Nag- You- To- Focus Time.” Ugh.
Then I tried the “Let her room get SO messy she goes crazy
and cleans it herself” method. Yeah, no
surprise there. Didn’t work. There were no guidelines for success there,
no wonder.
I remembered my childhood.
My parents started a cleaning business (which I now maintain) and it was
a family effort. From the age of 12, I knew how to professionally clean a home
or business. I learned professionalism
and hard work early. At home, we had
chores too. As I got to my early teens
and my mom went back to college, everyone took on more household responsibilities. I remember making plans and having my parents
say “Make sure the dishes are done first.” and it made me so mad. The reason?
“I’ve been doing dishes for years!
Don’t they know that I know that I’m responsible for the dishes?!” I didn’t want to be hounded. I wanted to have the freedom to just do my
chores when I knew they needed done. I
wanted to take care of my responsibilities and get a “Thanks for doing that” at
the end. I want to instill that in
Taylor. I want her to have that sense of
“I can do this!”
In remembering this, it makes me reevaluate our current
chore chart. I bought the chore chart at
Wal- Mart along with the other moms, but it hasn’t worked. For a while we incorporated appropriate
behaviors and personal hygiene in the daily checklist and customized it to our
liking. But it put too much of an
emphasis on the reward. The reward I’m
thinking of with teaching chores is responsibility, confidence and
self-sufficiency. I don’t want to have
to give out stickers… So I’ve been
thinking of revamping the chore chart.
I read several articles about chores. Most emphasize rewards. One said to tell them their responsibilities
and the deadline. Then explain that if they’re
not done, there are consequences. Give
one reminder if the deadline is close and no progress is shown and then enforce
the consequence after the deadline. I
like the idea, but it’s geared more towards teens. I know that Taylor is capable, but she is
still 8 years old… Rather than having spoken deadlines, I think a visual reminder
is appropriate. Same idea, just adapted
to be more age-appropriate.
I think my plan is this: make 2 lists. One list for Monday through Wednesday and one
list for Thursday through Saturday.
Sunday = Fun day! Of course there are also daily responsibilities like
putting dinner dishes into dishwasher and putting toys away before
bedtime. But I’m hoping this new system will
spur Taylor to accomplish her chores by the deadline without the nagging. She likes independence and obviously likes to
know that we’re proud of her.
How Do You Do Mom?
How do
you enforce household responsibilities and build self-confidence in your little
without nagging?
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